Recently a client said to me: "You've taught me so much about blessings." I smiled and told him that the concept of blessing was taught to me by my friend and colleague, Tom Daly. Years ago, Tom was coaching me through my role as Director of the Colorado Coaching Expo. At the time, I was feeling at odds with the direction of the board. Tom asked me: "How can you both bless them and be blessed?" It's funny, up until then, those were not words I would have used much. Without explaining what he meant I seemed to know he was offering me a perspective on win/win that went beyond results and into honoring people, me included.
How could I honor the members of the board and myself? I listened to them, heard them out and then told the truth without blame or judgment. I stayed present and grounded in myself, even when hard things were being said. I owned what was mine and asked directly for what I wanted. I stayed open to outcome. Throughout that process, the idea in my mind was to bless and be blessed by my connection with these people. While I'm not saying everything came my way, I felt satisfied, and my bonds with the individuals on the board were strengthened.
Bless and Savor Our Relationships
Since then, my aim in relationships -- even during moments that feel painful -- is to bless and be blessed. This isn't a panacea for all relationship troubles, however it goes a long way to creating peaceful relations and empowered integrity. The inquiry -- how can I both bless and be blessed in this situation? -- is powerful in itself.
Relationships are prime territory for self-discovery. As coaches, we have a wealth of opportunity to explore this territory, not only through our client relationships but also in relationship with ourselves.
Honoring All of the Voices
It's important that we hear and honor all of the voices, not only of those around us, but also the voices within us. Inside, we have many different parts that, if allowed to express themselves fully, bring riches of wisdom, joy and even healing. If they are ignored or marginalized, these same parts of ourselves may work against us in shadow.
If you've ever felt a battle within yourself, you know there is more than one voice within you wanting to be heard. The tendency is to characterize certain voices as "good" and others as "bad" and then feel guilty whenever the "bad" voice speaks louder and gets its way. What if all these voices were invited to contribute? If each was given the floor, heard and validated? So often, through coaching, it's just being heard that allows our clients to shift and move forward.
I invite you to hear all the voices within yourself, to honor them and consider how that voice is trying to contact you, support you. Bless and be blessed by these various parts of yourself.
In the next edition, we'll explore an amazing set of tools to coach the many voices within ourselves and our clients.
