From Blaming to Blessings

>From Blaming to Blessings
It can be wonderful to be a victim. First of all, I get to
be right. I am misunderstood, mistreated, and miserable,
but at least I know I'm right. I'm in pain, but my pain is
at least a little bit satisfying. The end all and be all
for life's perpetual victims is self righteousness--being
the one who is right, good, or special. I get to be the
star of my own drama.

Second, if I'm really suffering you can't expect much from
me. As the suffering one, I should be appreciated, treated
special, or helped. You can't expect me to put out too much
energy for others in this condition. You can't expect me to
do much for myself.

I feel a deep compassion whenever I see someone suffering.
Compassion is not pity. It is a deep respect and
understanding for the person and where they are on their
journey in life. I know what it feels like to suffer. It is
through my own suffering that I have learned where my
suffering comes from. It comes from within me.

Most people in the world blame someone or something for
their suffering. The payoff for blaming is self
justification and innocence. This does not mean that
suffering isn't painful. It is. It means that we will not
find release by blaming anything or anyone. We must follow
our pain inward to its source.

Whenever I expect a person or situation to provide me with
healing, joy, or wealth, I am setting myself up for
suffering. No external person or thing can make me happy.
Creating happiness is an inside job, regardless of what my
life conditions may be.

As an organizational consultant and speaker, people often
tell me how others make their lives miserable. Everyone has
their story, and often I get two diametrically opposed
accounts of the same event. A lot of blaming and self
justification goes on in many organizations. My message is
to move beyond blaming and to take personal responsibility
for one's relationships. I ask people to start being the
person they want to be at work, instead of who they think
they are forced to be.

Blaming is a denial of who you are. Do you know who you
are? You are an incredible being of light, a powerful
expression of Spirit. You have a mission to create beauty,
joy, and peace in your own unique way. You are so powerful
that you create your own circumstances. Blaming is a way of
pretending you are not powerful. Blaming gives your power
away to someone else. Blaming says that this person, or
this situation is the source of your good, not the Creative
Intelligence of the Universe.

Many people blame the economy for their financial state.
The economy is irrelevant if you know who you are. Your
abundance does not come from the economy. Your source of
good is not your job, your spouse, the government, or your
customers. Your source is within you. It is your ability to
connect with Spirit. Blaming is a way of pretending you are
not your own source.

A while back I experienced a slow down in my business and
income. People told me it was the economy, but I refused to
believe it. I knew it had to be me. I asked for guidance in
prayer. One morning as I meditated I received my answer. I
realized I was filled with resentment. I resented certain
others who I felt had not supported me as much as I wanted.
Of course, I believed I had been very supportive to them.
My resentment sent a message to the Universe that said, "I
can't succeed until I get their support. If I succeed they
will never know how much pain I suffered not having their
support."

I was grateful for the message. To make sure I got the
message, Spirit provided yet another opportunity. Later
that day while channel surfing, I came upon Dr. Wayne Dyer
on PBS. He was talking about resentment. He said it was a
low energy and it blocked out God. I got the message. I
made a decision to stop resenting. I let go of my need to
have specific people support me in specific ways. I
immediately felt a sense of joy and freedom as I released
my burden of resentment.

As soon as I stopped resenting, the suffering it brought
stopped also. Suddenly, the people in my life who I had
resented seemed to change. They seemed more approachable,
more love worthy, rather than blame worthy. I saw how much
my underlying attitude of resentment had caused me to
withhold love and support from others. It felt good to let
go and be more responsive. And yes, business did pick up
immediately.

Blaming, resentment, and suffering ooze out of the gap
between how a situation is and how we want it to be. We see
this gap and attach meaning to it. I want you to love me a
certain way. You don't. I think this means I am unworthy,
or that you are a bad person, or that somehow I can't be
happy. In reality your inability to love me means nothing.
The meaning I give to it is what causes me suffering. It
causes me to resent and to blame.

Suffering is eased when I accept you the way you are,
whether you love me or not. Suffering is eased when I
accept myself as I am. Suffering is eased when I realize
that the source of my love is within me. I am sustained by
the love of Spirit, surrounded by it. As I rejoice in this
knowing, love manifests in ways and from people that I
could not predict. As I stop focusing on all of my gaps in
life, and begin to focus on who and what I am--a spiritual
being, the creator of my own experience, the source of my
own joy, a spark of the Divine--I experience freedom and
joy. There is nothing to resent, no one to blame, and no
reason to suffer. As I give my love more passionately and
openly to self, to others, and to life, I am showered with
blessings. I stop coming from a place of need, and I become
a light.

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William Frank Diedrich is a keynote speaker and the author
of The Road Home: The Journey Beyond the Spiritual Quick
Fix, 30 Days to Prosperity: A Workbook for Well Being, and
Beyond Blaming: Unleashing Power and Passion in People and
Organizations. To learn more about Bill, his books, and his
services, go to http://www.transformativepress.com or to
http://noblaming.com