It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.
I have adapted an approach in my life where I take
responsibility for whatever happens, that means any result
that shows up in my life whether it is good or bad. I
always look for where I can be responsible for the results
produced. This approach has given me so much freedom and
space to create in my life.

I teach my clients to take on this approach, at first it is
met with some resistance. Usually it is because they feel
they are at fault or being blamed if they take
responsibility. So they hold on to blaming external
factors for the outcomes in their life.

There is a powerful distinction here that I want you to
get. When you take responsibility for how a situation
turns out that does not mean you are taking the blame.
Instead you are simply acknowledging what you did that
contributed to the outcome of the situation.

When you take responsibility for your part in a situation
where an undesirable outcome was produced, you then have
the power to say "if I did this which caused this
undesirable outcome then I have the power to create a
result that works". Another great benefit from always
looking for where you can take responsibility is that you
never feel like a victim. You realize you always have a
choice and a say in how things go in your life. Feeling
taken advantage of completely disappears from your point of
view and belief system.

For me taking responsibility gives me great power over my
life. I gain a sense of control over my life and the way
it goes that empowers me. I will give you an example from
my own life of where I took responsibility. I received my
monthly email reminder to pay my student loan bill. I
logged into my account and paid my student loan bill before
the due date. A couple days after the due date passed I
received a notice that stated I was past due. I freaked
out because I knew I had paid. I went into my account and
saw that I had paid the wrong loan. I had paid the loan
that was not due yet.

When I had logged in to pay, the loan that appeared on the
screen was not the one that was due, but I did not notice.
I called the customer service number and complained, I said
I paid my bill but I paid the wrong one because the screen
showed me the one that was not due until later in the
month. I felt really justified that it was their system
that caused my mistake. They fixed the problem for me and
made sure my account would not be affected by the late
payment.

When I hung up the phone I realized how I put all the blame
on the student loan company for the way they set up the pay
bill page. I had felt like a victim and that they were
tricking their customers by how they set their system. But
then I got present to what I did and my role in the
situation. I could have easily took the time to look at
the loan number and due date to prevent the problem that
occurred.

I have repeatedly created situations in my life where I get
to be the victim and blame other people for what has
happens to me. See for me I have always felt like a victim
in my life and what I finally realized over the last couple
of years is that I have created situations that fulfill
that belief. Taking responsibility has given me so much
freedom in my life and I no longer see myself as a victim
but someone who creates and has choices.

I see this pattern and belief system of being a victim in
many people. Taking responsibility does not mean you are
at fault and have to take all the blame. Instead of
feeling powerless and like you have no control over the way
things go in your life you get access to being a creator
and having choices.

Your assignment for this week: Look at a situation in
your life right now where you may feel a loss of power or
lack of control. It could be work, a relationship with a
friend or partner, your fitness. Look and see what
behaviors or way of being contributed to that outcome?
Again, this is not a blame game or a time to make yourself
feel bad. Simply list what you see that you have done to
contribute to this outcome. Now look and see what other
ways you can contribute to that situation that would have
you produce results that work for you and give you power?

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