Copyright 2005 David FerruoloMany of us create undue stress on others and ourselves
throughout the day by not honoring what we really feel
inside. Everyday I witness people ?going with the flow?
or supporting others requests or comments, despite the fact
that they may not really agree. I know a lot of people do
this to avoid tension and conflict. However, if we are able
to communicate effectively and act with integrity, common
ground will always be found; creating more harmony and less
stress for everyone.
Regardless of the venue; at home, at work or at play, it is
important for common ground to be met. I realize not
everyone can be happy and satisfied all of the time, but
compromises can be made in every situation that can result
in everyone feeling content. So when we find ourselves in
these ?sticky? circumstances, how do we communicate our
desires effectively without causing conflict? I offer
these simple steps for voicing your thoughts, without
causing stress, that actually result in creating more
harmony and cohesiveness.
· State your position as a question: Most people,
including your co-workers, bosses, children and family
respond to well though out questions. Asking a question is
more passive and allows the person to see your side of the
equation and give back their options. Frequently one of
these responses will be the one you were looking for. This
method works just as well on children as on adults in all
positions, and you will always come across as caring,
professional and courteous.
· Use Humor: Humor is a great way to alleviate the tension
is a room or within a stalemate. Tasteful gestures are
very effective for moving conversation towards finding a
win-win situation everyone will support. If your office
routinely gets lunch from the same place everyday, and you
feel it is time for a change, perhaps you could say
something like: ?If I have another meal from the Cluck
Shack, I think I?ll turn into a chicken. Anyone up for
something different today?? Humor is a great way to
re-direct thought to something different?try it.
· State your truth and offer solutions: Offering solutions
is one of the most powerful was to effect change. ?Bring
solutions, not problems,? is an all too common axiom in
business, but is seldom embraced. People always like to
point out the negative, and appear not to know how to fix
it. ?If you?re not part of the solution, your part of the
problem,? is yet another famous business quote. So how
many times do we all need to hear it before we begin to use
it? Politely and professionally state your opinions and
offer several options for everyone to choose from. Make
sure the options are varied and broad, to appeal to the
widest audience.
· Find compromise: If no one agrees, there is always a
compromise that will fit. It may not be right in front of
your face all the time, but it is there. Be creative,
think out of the box, and always encourage others to help
the brain-storming process. This will not only bring many
solutions, but the process can also be a lot fun.
· State your point of view: Sometimes it only takes letting
others around you know where you are coming from, to evoke
thought and compromise. Always be courteous, even-keeled
and direct when stating your point of view. Try not to
tell a story and sound like a victim. Only state the
facts; they are powerful and will be enough to get others
thinking.
· Start with praise and give your option: The easiest way
to soften someone is to compliment him or her. ?You are so
creative. How do you come up with some of this stuff?? is a
great start. Then you can continue with, ? That is such a
great idea. Do you think it is the best one you can think
of for everyone? I think what you are saying is great, but
it could be much better if we coupled it with this idea??
Let them think it is their idea. What?s wrong with that
anyway? The goal is contentment for everyone, who cares if
it is your idea. Let others have credit, and watch all you
recommendations be realized
It is easy to give your views and not cause tension. And
sometimes is only takes one person to speak up to get the
masses behind you. Don?t be afraid to voice your opinion,
what?s the worst that can happen? You may not always get
to listen to your favorite station, eat your preferred
meal, or have your ideas implemented at the office, but if
you learn to speak out the correct way, most of the time
you?ll find a happy solution. Don?t be afraid to voice
your thoughts and your opinions, not only do you honor
yourself and fulfill your desires, but also you give others
around insight into you. Practice these simple techniques
when you are not in concert with what is going on around
you. You?ll be surprised how many people will honor your
suggestions and opinions, and you just might make the day a
bit brighter for everyone.
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Dave Ferruolo is the Author of ?Connecting with the Bliss
of Life: Powerful Lessons for Living a Peaceful and Happy
Life.? He is an inspirational and motivational speaker,
success coach, consultant and spiritual counselor. Dave is
a former Navy SEAL, and he runs several business in central
New Hampshire. For more detailed information on Dave?s
books and services, visit his website at
http://www.daveferruolo.com .
