The Greatest Gift - What is It?

The Greatest Gift - What is It?
The greatest gift we can give one another in a relationship
is our true selves ? being who we are. For some this is not
difficult, but for most it takes practice to take off the
masks and become real.

At first it can seem frightening to stop playing games, and
just be. However, much of the trouble that arises in
relationships is because we are unwilling to do this. We
think the games we play protect us, though they are
actually the cause of the problems we have. Our need for
real contact is so strong that when it is not there, our
partner can easily feel lonely, rejected or as though they
don't matter much.

There are all kinds of ways we keep the games going.
Instead of finding out who our partner truly is, or what
they really need from us, when something happens we don't
like, we rush to label them. They become an object to us, a
stranger, or opponent in some way. Before we give them a
chance to reveal themselves, we throw them away. In this
way we constantly separate ourselves from one another and
then wonder why we feel so alone. The biggest need we all
have is to stop playing games, trust who we are and realize
that each person who comes into our lives is there for a
reason; they are worth knowing truly. We must learn to
build bridges between ourselves and them; allow open
communication to take place. When we are unwilling to do
this, it is usually because we are hiding, afraid of being
known.

How To Let Go of The Games We Play

To start on our journey of becoming real, it is useful to
look closely at the roles we play-the fantasies we so
cherish. These roles are often exactly what get in our way.
Roles can be hypnotic, it is easy to fall in love with a
role or fantasy and begin to believe it is who we truly
are. Or, more commonly, we fall in love with the role
someone else is playing, become mesmerized by it and have
no idea at all who the real person is. When that happens,
we are not falling in love with the person, but with the
fantasy they are creating for us. It can and does come as
quite a shock when things change and, one day, we find out
who they truly are. At this point, many relationships get
rocky.

There are many reasons it may feel dangerous to let go of a
role or image. For some, the idea of being true has become
confused with the idea of being selfish, not caring about
the feelings of others. Oddly enough, just the opposite is
so. When we are able to respond truthfully, real caring can
begin to arise. On the other hand, when we act from our
roles and games, we are implicitly demanding this kind of
false response from others. This way of relating is
deadening; and takes the enthusiasm, fun and aliveness
away. Everything becomes predictable. Boredom sets in.

The biggest danger of being lost in a role is that we lose
touch with the reality of who we really are and what's
going on, both for ourselves and others. An incredible
amount of misunderstanding comes about when we are glued to
a particular fantasy or role. Unglue yourself a little.

In order to unglue ourselves from the usual roles we play,
it is helpful to step into another's shoes. Try seeing the
situation from your partner's point of view. Pretend you
are them for a few moments; what would you need or want if
that were true? Look at yourself through their eyes. You
may be in for quite a surprise. As our compassion for and
understanding of others increases, our stereotyped
reactions melt away.

We constantly need to broaden our horizons. No relationship
can stay the same forever. If it does grow, it begins to
fade. If we do not expand, we begin to atrophy as well. As
we become real and respond from the truth of who we are, a
sense of fresh possibilities, flexibility and aliveness
comes to us. It brings excitement and adventure as well.
This a sure fire way to bring the greatest gift, both to
others and to ourselves.

----------------------------------------------------
Discover the surprising truths about love that will save
your relationship, in Dr. Shoshanna?s top e-book Save Your
Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships).
http://www.truthaboutlove.com . Psychologist, relationship
expert, speaker, and noted author has helped thousands
become stable, strong and fulfilled. Get free ezine and
reports at http://www.brendashoshanna.com . Contact at :
topspeaker@yahoo.com