Their Secret Lives or My Ezine Has a Love Life

I've just discovered something amazing. The Roundup, my bi-weekly
ezine, has a love life! As a matter of fact, it appears to be doing much
better than I am in that respect. You see, The Roundup regularly receives
email messages sent to its subscription address. The last one started,
"Hi, It's been awhile since we talked. I'm wondering if you've been
thinking about our last conversation?."

Oh, Roundup, you little devil you! Have you been sneaking around
behind my back with other ezines?

It's not just The Roundup that I have to worry about. I also have a number
of autoresponders that I use. In case anyone doesn't understand the term
"autoresponder," it's an automated email address. When you send a blank
email to an autoresponder, the technology automatically sends you a
pre-written message. I use autoresponders on my web site to give visitors
samples of my freely distributed articles. Well, danged if my autoresponders
aren't carrying on illicit affairs behind my back as well. One of them is
apparently involved with the same sender whose wanton behavior with
The Roundup is causing me so much concern. This autoresponder
receives the identical email message about remembering previous
conversations. Jeesh, I could have a major war on my hands if this keeps
up. All I need is for the Roundup to find out about the autoresponder,
and then what?

Oh, wait! A new turn of events! The Roundup just received an email
with "Get Your Share of E-Z Money" in the subject line. This oughtta
give it a competitive edge. As far as I know, the autoresponder is stone,
cold broke. It'll be no match for the soon-to-be stinking rich Roundup.

Speaking of autoresponders, another one of mine -- and I am embarrassed
about this -- has apparently been inviting communication with Heather,
a gorgeous 19 year old who has to take nude pictures of herself to pay her
college tuition. Well, Heather, I want you to understand something. My
autoresponder does not have its own credit card. 'Nuff said? But you might
try The Roundup. It'll soon be making lots of E-Z Money!

But this email intrigue continues. A new message just came in addressed
to "Undisclosed Recipients." The subject says "Hello, how have you
been?33, "
and the body asks whether Undisclosed Recipient is drowning in Credit
Card Debt. Hmmm! I wonder where I should forward this. The Roundup
won't need it, what with all this E-Z money soon to be coming in, so
maybe I'll send it to that frisky autoresponder. Perhaps when it gets rid
of its existing credit card debt, it can get a charge card and help Heather
get her education. I'm sure it'll be only two or three seconds before I
receive another email offering sure-fire guarantees around getting a credit
card. That'll come in handy for Heather and Auto.

But wait! This is the last straw! Now my web site is sabotaging me
behind my back. Now as far as I know, and I do know because I
designed the site, it contains a number of resources for business people
and entrepreneurs. But what's this? I now have an email from a sender
"who has just visited my site and thinks I would be interested in hearing
more about an opportunity involving horses." Horses? Is my web site
self-generating equine-related content at night when I sleep? Does it
have a dual-personality? This opens up possibilities for a catchy new
logo: "Business by day. At night -- oats and hay!"

Such is the allure of my technology's secret life. But this does answer
one question for me. Now I realize that spammers are actually targeting
ezines, autoresponders, and web sites. It makes a lot of sense. After all,
no actual person would ever fall for this stuff.

About the Author

June Campbell
"How-to" Booklets, Guides, Templates, & eBooks
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